Modern Love
Love & Other Emotional Crimes
Category: Observations
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At some point in life, you realize there is no such thing as “the future.” Not in the dramatic psychic hotline sense, but in the mildly inconvenient, existential way. Everything is apparently happening at once, and time is just… how we keep ourselves from panicking. Which means the thing you’ve been running toward (or away…
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Last year, I made a vision board. You know, one of those very intentional, aesthetically curated collages where you casually tell the universe, “No pressure, but this please.” It was stacked: alpine scenery, river swims, Bern, mindful girl energy, techno nights, outdoorsy hobbies, sunshine, maybe even a puppy. Very balanced. Very “I have my life together” coded.…
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the confusing art of leaving before it breaks you I’ve come to believe that anxious vs. avoidant attachment isn’t just trauma, it’s sacred protection. It’s your nervous system remembering what your mind keeps trying to forget. It’s your soul screaming “we’ve been here before.” And here’s what no one tells you when you start “doing the…
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November rolled in and, surprise surprise, five planets decided to moonwalk backwards. Mercury included. Because apparently the universe looked at our lives and said, “You know what this needs? A little confusion and emotional déjà vu.” I’ve been feeling it since the shadow period, which, by the way, is just cosmic slang for “the pre-party…
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I remember going to a supermarket with an ex, buying snacks, and doing what any sane human being would do, wanting to have a snack on the way back. I opened it, and he looked at me like I had just committed a crime. “Can’t you just wait until we’re back?” he said, in full snack-police mode.…
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I used to think I wasn’t spiritual at all. I couldn’t sit still to meditate, what I did to ground myself suspiciously looked like walking barefoot in the park, and every time someone said “visualize light,” my brain responded with: how about we just feel it instead? For a while, I felt guilty about that. Like…
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Christians call it a spiritual attack. New age spirituality calls it being in low frequency, or a Dark Night of the Soul. Psychology says it’s clinical depression. Philosophers call it an existential crisis somewhere in the dread of being alive. Christians believe a person is under demonic influence. New agers say, “your chakras are imbalanced.”…
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I like to imagine the subconscious as an infinite cloud floating somewhere above us. Not grey and stormy, but pastel pink, soft blue, brushed with new leafy greens, flashes of purple and bright pink, orange glimmers, dusted in gold all drifting across a deep purple infinity that stretches forever. The cloud feels light, ethereal, alive.…
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I have been given several blueprints and templates on my journey. The concept is always the same: live from the heart. I used to think “living from the heart” meant being endlessly soft. Always forgiving. Always open. Always the one who loves a little harder, gives a little more, stays a little longer. Spoiler: that…
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I realized my hair grows twice as fast when I’m at home with my family. This isn’t some woo-woo cosmic hair growth secret, it’s just biology with a sprinkle of emotional stability. My nervous system finally goes, “ah, we can chill now,” and apparently, my hair takes that as a green light to thrive. We…
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In 2020, when I first dipped my toes into Kundalini Yoga, I was determined. Like, full-on “new me” mode. I was going to wake up at 5am, dry brush like a goddess, take an ice-cold shower that would supposedly “awaken my DNA,” and meditate to Sadhana before the sun even remembered to rise. Spoiler alert: I lasted awhile.…
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Yesterday, a switch in my brain flipped when I found out about yet another change in a city I don’t even live in, but somehow remain emotionally attached to. I recognized the pattern from the last two months: blow after blow, change after change. I realized I wasn’t reacting to the removal of the golden…
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At some point in your journey, you stumble upon this truth: Love is the greatest force in the universe. The kind that can heal, destroy, rebuild, and still leave room for dessert. Love is God, and God is Love. Simple, but somehow it takes a few heartbreaks, more than few dark nights of the soul,…
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Last night, unprocessed past made an appearance in my dreams: my beloved late bunny, our wounded dog after his attack, and a friend I had a falling out with months ago. The thing is, you think you’ve healed. You think you’ve graduated from that phase, earned your invisible diploma in “moving on.” And then, surprise:…
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Drinking a glass of cold, full-fat milk right after eating milk chocolate logically sounds pointless. But it feels like a necessity, like the milkier it is, the better. I never understood the reluctance adults seem to have toward milk, as if drinking it past the age of 12 is somehow an act of rebellion. Somewhere…
Modern Love 