You don’t need an astrologer to tell you that the planets are in the microwave or turned into lemonade, again. 

Just open your window and listen, the neighbors are screaming about who left the yogurt out.

Your mom suddenly decided now is the perfect time to critique your life decisions, your career, and the way you dress. 

A guy from 10 years ago? Resurfaces via a “heyyy… hope you’re well, I’ve been thinking about you” message. 

Your phone glitches just when you finally send a risky text.

Your emails vanish.

Your emotions don’t.

The group chat is suspiciously quiet, and everyone’s “just been going through it.”

Even your plants are looking at you sideways. And the birds are giving you spiritual downloads through eye contact.

It’s not just Mercury.

It’s the whole zodiac throwing a tantrum.

Venus is crying in the shower, then putting on a sexy black dress and going out to flirt. 

Mars is organizing your closet at 3AM. 

Saturn’s giving everyone a pop quiz on boundaries.

And Neptune’s making your dreams weirder than usual.

(Oh hey the guy who’s not in my life and his entire friend group chilling at my childhood house!? Nice haircut btw!)

So no, you don’t need a birth chart.

You just need to know that every coffee shop line is now a test of your spiritual maturity.

Your inbox is a battlefield.

And your nervous system? A full-blown disco.

But don’t worry.

Like all those before, this too shall pass.

Just maybe don’t sign any contracts, text your ex, or try to explain anything to your mom until it’s over.

We’re just cosmically inconvenienced.